Sunday, January 2, 2011

The End of the End.

As the last few hours of my 2010 vacation ticks down, I am saddened by the thoughts  of Monday lurking in the darkness.  I will again put on those horrid office clothing and become a productive citizen. 

With the beginning of the New Year in an office, you will see typical behaviors.  It will be quite comical and rather predictable.  Offices all over the country will see similar behaviors.  In fact, many of you will probably witness similar scenarios playing out at your workplace.  They will consist of mainly, the Seasonal Health Conscious Adults.  You know the type, it's their time of the year again.  Tomorrow they will migrate to the break room, bag-o-salad in hand and announce that they are now on "A Program".  These are the group of individuals you can easily make money off of if you're an evil person.   <Visit me after the blog and we'll do side bets on their failures.> 

The Seasonal Health Conscious Adult will in fact announce their goals.  They will adapt new terminology.  "I don't eat that".. Which means, "I really would like a bite of your Whopper with Double Bacon and Cheese, but I'm holding out till after I'm off the clock".  These individuals are bound for failure.  They have no idea how to eat healthier for more than the moment.   They are also broke from Christmas.  As soon as the next payday rolls around and someone mentions the following, "Hey, we're ordering from Olive Garden" - This group of "Temporary Health Conscious Adults" will immediately dig for their wallets, purses or ATM Card to participate in Ooodles of Noodles.  <Another great side bet is to see what local food establishment becomes the breaking point for these individuals.> 

The Seasonal Health Conscious Adult will also explain their program of choice in great detail.  "I"m on the No Fat, No Carb, No Vegetables that have Seeds, No Fruits that you have to boil" or whatever they decide for 2011.  Be patient with these individuals, allow their moment to flow.  It can be profitable as well as completely entertaining.

So as tomorrow rolls around and you take your recyclable, reusable coffee cup to your office for coffee, (quit using the foam cups, it is after all a New Year) remember this simple thing.  We have entered into the beginning of a new decade.  We have announced our resolution of whatever the hell we will probably fail at anyway.  But, we can be entertained by the failures of others.  Friday is just a few days away.  Have a great week.

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